essay due 30 mins.Can anyone please correct and make appropriate revisions in my essay, really important. PLS?

Question

Every young adult has their own inspirations, their own passions and their own dreams. Unfortunately, many lose sense of motivating themselves, fulfilling their crafts, and pursuing their goals just moments after they step out of high school. As a result, many young adults fail, in a sense of compassion for a higher education.
Generally speaking, I don’t want to become one of those young adults. I certainly have a desire for a higher education. I strongly believe that Fresno Pacific University is the right place to accomplish it. A higher education is very important to me because I believe it will somewhat build a bridge to the person that I want to become. That is why I am certain that I want to attend Fresno Pacific University not only for its academic status and ethics, but also for its influential environment.
As I mentioned in my recent application for Fresno Pacific University, I am still “undecided” on what course I want to major in. However, I am confident that Fresno Pacific University will help me discover my major as I progress through each semester.
In addition to its academic status that can surely provide me all the help that I need, I am very eager to attend Fresno Pacific University for its good ethics. Moral values are very important to me, and when I found out (from a friend who recently graduated from FPU) that Fresno Pacific University is a Christian university, I was even more motivated to go to college. I was raised in an environment in which everyone must treat one another with respect. My parents were really strict about teaching their children with good proper manners which brings me to my last point.
Environment, in terms of my surroundings, is extremely important, as it will somewhat influence the characteristics I will portray as I develop and become an adult. When I heard all of the outstanding comments about Fresno Pacific University, one thing always stands out--the influential environment it portrays to each students and vice versa. From researching about FPU on the web, hearing about it on a Christian radio station and through reading about it in an issue of Axis, I found out that many students who are enrolled and have graduated from FPU are having or have had the best time of their lives. Students at FPU are friendly and most importantly, they come with good influence.
In other words, I don’t think there is a better university that suits my needs other than Fresno Pacific University. I am sure that Fresno Pacific University will be a bridge to keep me motivated and satisfied in pursuing my goals in life. I am also confident, that with the help of Fresno Pacific University, I’ll be able to grow in Christ mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, in which I believe it can and will bring out the person I want to be.

Answer 1

paragraph one - many young adults lose their passion for higher education



paragraph two - cut "somewhat"

Answer 2

Corrected by me: The Internet Version



Evry young adult haz their pwn inspirations, their pwn pashons an' their pwn dreams. Unfortunatly, many looz sense of motivating themselvz, fulfiling their crafts, an' pursuing their goals just momnts aftr they step outta da place wif da teachers an' $hit. Az a result, many yung adults fail, in a sense of compashun for a higher educashun.

Generally speaking, I don’t wanna becum 1 of doze yung adults. I certainly have a dezir for a higher educashun. I strongly beleeve that Da Frez is da right place 'n $hit to acomplish it. A higher educashun iz vry nb to me 'cuz I believe it will sumwat build a bridge to da prsn that I want 2 becum. Dat iz why I am sertan that I want 2 attend Da Frez not only for its academic status an' ethics yo, but also for its fully sick environment.

Az I menshuned in my recent applicashun for Da Frez, I am still “undecided” on wat corse I want 2 majar in. However, I am confident that Da Frez will help me discuva my majar az I progress through each semester.

In addishun 2 its academic status that can shurely provide me all da help dat I need, I am stoned and very eager 2 attend da Frez for its wiked ethics. Moral valuz r very nb 2 me, an' wen I found out (from some homeless bum who recently graduated from da Frez') dat Da Frez is a Khrischan uni, I waz even more motivated 2 go 2 college. I was raized in an environment in which evry1 must treat 1 another with respect 'n $hit. My olds were really strict about teaching their anklebiters with good proper mannerz which brings me 2 my last point, yo.

Environmnt, in termz of my surroundings, is xtremly nb, az it will sumwat influence da karacteristiks I will portray as I develop and becum an adult. When I heard all of da outstanding coments about Da Frez, 1 thing always standz out--the influential environment it portrays 2 each students an' vice versa. From researching about Da Frez on da interweb, hearing about it on a Khristian radio stashun and through reading about it in an issue of Playboy, I found out that many students who r enrolled an' have graduated from Da Frez r having or have had da best time of their lives. Students at FPU r bastards an' most importantly, dey come wit gud influence.

In other wordz, I don’t think there is a beta uni dat suits my needz other than Da Frez. I am sure that Da Frez will be a bridge 2 keep me motivated an' satisfied in pursuing my goals in life n' $hit. I am also confident, that with the help of Da Frez, I’ll be able to grow in Christ mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, stupidly in wich I beleeve it can an' will bring out da person I want 2 be when I apply for dat lawyer pozishun I saw at da unemploymnt offise.

Answer 3

agree. with the aid of fact if that individual had placed the assumption into making plans the acts and putting them on paper, the subsequent step could be to dedicate them. enable's placed it this variety; if there exchange into somebody available who exchange into writing tricky plans to molest and then homicide some babies does no longer you desire to stop them?i think it relies upon on what the character is of their writing, no count if this is a fictional tale, training, or plans... and procrstinating is undesirable! do no longer do it anymore! be arranged the evening in the previous to teach issues in a minimum of.

Answer 4

Eliminate the two "somewhat"s.

Answer 5

Your essay looks great just as it is, I wouldn't suggest any changes.

Answer 6

loooooong. cant be bothered. haha. sorry.